Lately I have been thinking a lot about fear. Things like why people fear, what people fear, how fear influences peoples decisions and so on. As I have surveyed my life I have realized that many of my decisions and actions have come from a place of fear. As I witnessed fear as a driving force in my life I began to wonder if this is true for others?
I began to people watch.
Which I love.
I talked with friends and had multiple conversations and what were the results? The same pattern. Fear had influence, major influence. Fear lead to shame, fear lead to failure, fear of failure lead to insecurity, sometimes we're afraid and we don't even know what of. I have begun to see a pattern emerge.
Since I have become keen to fears influence I have had some interesting experiences with it. Just the other day I was in a conversation with someone I have known for a while. This person is very nice, kind, fun and often a bit over the top. In this particular conversation this person was being over the top and border line crazy obnoxious. This pattern I have seen with this person before, but in the context of fear I began to understand a little better.
If you knew this persons story,
you would have compassion.
This person in particular has a history of being an outsider only finding community or community attention by being over the top. As a way of survival and as a reaction to the fear of being alone this particular friend has adapted with fears influence. So is this person just being obnoxious to be obnoxious? No, they're afraid. They're afraid they're not lovable and afraid to be alone.
I think this is true for all people.
No one is exempt.
Why do people talk behind other peoples backs? Fear of not being accepted. Why do couples get upset at one another when they can't be reached after multiple phone calls? Fear of losing someone close them. Why are people straight up mean? Fear of intimacy. I am sure you can think of many more reactions as a result of fear.
Fear grabs ahold of us and as Christians it has played a prominent and unfortunate role in our story.
Think back to Adam and Eve.
What's the fall all about?
Fear.
"Did God really say you couldn't eat from the tree?" You can be like him knowing good and evil." These statements created fear. Satan was a smart little sucker. Attack human insecurity and create fear. Fear that God was withholding. Fear that God didn't love them enough to give them everything. Fear of not being enough. So what was their response to fear? "Well, it seems that we're really on our own so lets eat some of that fruit." Fear screwed things up.
Then there was the curse. Pain in childbearing. Fear of pain and fear that you will never be a good enough mother. Then the whole bit about desiring your husband and him ruling over you. This is a fear of not being enough, not being lovable and not being able to capture his attention. Why do you think Father's have such impact on their daughters?
Then for men. Hard labor. Fear of not having worth unless you are successful in your work. Fear of not being able to provide. So as men we overwork, over achieve and die young. All at the detriment of our family.
The cycle of fear continues and if you notice,
one feeds the other.
I could go on with countless more stories and analogies but I think you can see what I'm saying. So, are we just trapped? Is there no way out of this pattern? Let me share with you a few things that are working for me these days.
Risk - Have a little risk in your life. Something that you don't have complete control of. Calculated risk kills fear.
Adventure - Find adventures in your life. Climb a little higher, take the day off with family during the busiest season of the year at work.
Stand up for something you believe in.
Share your fear.
Listen to God.
Love unconditionally.
Of course I am not perfect in these things but I can tell you that I am well on my to being more aware of fear and what stops it. So what is your fear and what can you do take it head on?
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