When Their Story Becomes Part Of Ours - a snapshot of Haiti

Friends and few and far between readers. I have heard from many who have read my journal style status updates on Facebook (posted during my time in Haiti) that it would appreciated if I created a centralized collection of these tidbits so they could be more easily consumed. This blog is therefore an attempt to capture the broader picture of my experience in Haiti. I know it has been long since I have updated this, but as always I return for a few thoughts here and there. I welcome your thoughts and perhaps some stories of your own. For now. Enjoy!

Day 1 - March 14th, 2012
"Waiting to eat breakfast and looking out on the ocean as the mountains from a distant island rise up right out of the water. Just beautiful. Such beauty and such tension. Haiti."

Day 1 - March 14th, 2012
"Drove into Dessalines today. Went to the Hospital, Team House, the Orphanage, the market, the new doctors housing and walked through the town. Met a woman named Rosie. She is a new Christian who was living in a house that was falling down around her and the 15 family members living with her. Ian a wonderful 76year old man from Canada who has been coming here for 30 years, for months at a time, decided to have his crew build her a new three room home. The existing home was demoed by taking out only 4 nails and being pushed over! When we met her she was beaming ear to ear and invited us to see her new house. On the way out of the home I bent over to pick up a tin dish that had blown off of her "outdoor kitchen table" and in the process some food splashed onto my already filthy feet. In an instant she kneeled and started wipping my feet, dusting them off vigorously. I didn't know what to do but say thank you. My heart is humbled... I am without words. Rosie has taught me something today and I am thankful."

Day 2 - March 15th, 2012
"Painting outdoors all day... Its hot here. Like not Michigan mid summer hot, we're talking a bath in tabasco sauce hot. Don't worry Kelly I am wearing sunblock."

Day 2 - March 15th, 2012
"So many stories that my life is intersecting with here in Haiti. There is a boy at the orphanage who I am not sure of his name because he has no recognizable language skills. This boy I would imagine to be around 15 years of age. His life alone is a miracle and let me tell you why. When this boy was a baby his father strangled him so that he could offer him as a sacrifice. After a long period of time without air he suffered severe brain damage and now has very little mental capacity. As a result of this horrible situation he often has seizures which I watched happen just yesterday. It seems to happen so often that no one rushes to his aid. After all what can you do? In a culture that has very little food, clean water and housing the Peavey's orphanage is a safe haven for all kids even this little boy who would not have a chance in the harsh world outside of their 11 foot walls. I can't help but imagine how much God loves that boy and I am thankful that the Peaveys listened to Gods call to sell everything and move to Haiti to start the Ebenezzer Glen Orphanage. As minute as it may seem, one of my favorite moments from the ophanage is the daily fist bump I receive from that boy. There is beauty in a fist bump."

Day 3 - March 16th, 2012
"Todays story... We were at the Orphanage today. It was beautiful. 90 and sunny. Perfect temperature in the shade with a slight breeze, almost paradise. As we have for the last 3 days we continued painting the dorms where the kids stay. They are looking absolutely brilliant! It seems that painting has a nice way of taking the old and tattered and making it look new again. You can see it in the eyes of everyone there. In fact we have had the best helpers ever. Over the last two days I have literally had the paint roller taken directly from my hands twice and don't you dare set down "your" paintbrush because it will no longer be yours. Todays helper was a fine little gentleman named Ricardo. Ricardo is around 3 and he is by far one of the best painters I have seen. He grabs the brushes, dips it in and rubs the excess paint of on the lip of the can. With a smile that could make the most grumpy person smile, he starts painting. I really mean it, he is good. He literally was painting the window frames with me today. These kids are just beautiful. Eager to learn, ready to help. They take care of each other and they know community way better than anyone I have ever met. In the midst of Kelly and I starting a community house back home, I am thankful to learn from a group of people who never stopped loving and serving each other."

Day 4 - March 17th, 2012
"Today was another beautiful day in Haiti. Somewhere around 90 and sunny once more. The breeze coming down off of the hills rustled the leaves overhead as we took a break on the bench beneith one of the most twisted and ancient trees. In the 40 years that the Orphanage has been there I am positive that this tree has shared many memories; finding joy in providing shade, solice and a place for the little ones to stretch their arms and their imaginations. Today we sat, we laughed and tried to communicate often resorting to hand motions and scattered facial expressions. A little boy approached me. "Blanc" (white) he says. I say "no", and say "Rae le Jamie". He smiles and says Jommie. "Jommie pushey" taking me by the hand he leads me to the swing. He sits down. "Pushey?" I think for a second about doing an underdog (after all these kids are wild) but considering that he is only three I resort to a light push and off he goes. With every push he looks back at me with a smile. Within a few minutes he starts pumping his legs and I decide hes doing well on his own and I grab a seat on the bench. Keeping an eye on him from a short distance I see him begin to look up at the sky... his leg pumping slows, he is captivated by the clouds but who can blame him, they're beautiful. I take my eyes off of him for a few moments as I chat with those I am sitting with. As I glance back at him I see his swing completely still and his head is slowly knodding toward the ground. Any parent knows what's coming next. I hop up and start walking his direction. In that moment he gets up and half asleep starts walking towards his dorm where he sleeps. It was so precious how he was waddling. I snatch that little boy up, hold him close, he rests his head on my chest and falls fast asleep. We just sat under that ancient tree cuddled until I had to take him to his bed. Children know how to love and be loved. Perhaps we as adults should take note."

Day 5 - March 18th, 2012
"So many stories this morning. We headed to church today and found ourselves there early so we decided that we would stand a while and greet the passers by. A young man named Richkard approached and began speaking in English. He is 16 and knows quite a bit. You can always tell when Haitians want to test out their English speaking skills. Through our conversation we find out that he plays guitar, drums, piano and bass. He asks if any of us play. Of course everyone points at me. I tell him I'm not good but occasionally play. Moments later he leaves and were left chatting. Next thing you know I am receiving a tap on the shoulder. Richkard hands me a guitar and says play. I try to decline but he's insistent. Anyone that knows me knows that I don't play our sing in front of people. Half of you probably didn't even know I play guitar (I prefer it that way). Anyway, next thing you know I'm playing by the side of the road and singing God of Wonders and a few people gather around. This was literally the equivalent of me climbing Mount Everest. When I'm finish he says "you are good." I say thank you, I was even slightly red faced and it wasn't from the heat. Then I pass the guitar off and he proceeds to play classical style finger picking followed by a jazz riff. Just beautiful! Music is a universal language and now I will never forget it."

Day 5 - March 18th, 2012
Story #2 - Sitting in church... It's hot, cramped, and perfect. The Church is packed to the back and about half in attendance are teenage age and younger. All of the little ones sit right up front and we are engulfed by little pig tails, pretty dresses, shiny shoes and snow white smiles. Jesus words "let the little children come to me" permeates my subconscious. For a moment I close my eyes and pretend I'm one of them. God give me child like faith... I look down the row and see a beautiful little girl who is smiling at me. I give her a little wink and a smile. She giggles and switches seats with someone to sit right next to me. Althought I know little Creolle, she does know a little English. I find out her name is Michel. She is 12. She opens my bible and starts reading to me, first from Mathew and then from John, stopping occasionally for help with a word or to seek my approval. She was a great little reader and so eager. We close the bible and she looks at me. She leans in and whispers in my ear, "I love you." I smile and lean over and whisper in her ear also. "I love you too." My heart breaks that I may never see Michel again in this life. I closed my eyes and prayed for her. "God protect her, help her to follow you, give her a kind loving husband in a culture where woman are treated as less. May she know that you are her father and she is your daughter. Amen
Let it be so."

Day 6 - March 19th, 2012
"We went to the hospital today to do a devotional with the nurses and doctors. Afterwords we walked around the hospital and spent sometime in prayer with the patients. Healthcare in Haiti is definitely one of the more challenging things for me to process through. We spend some much time and energy debating about health insurance, government run healthcare and the costs involved. Yet I found myself in the midst of a maternity ward praying over a 16 year old girl. She had miscarried at 7 months and had to go through a procedure to have the baby removed. We asked this girl what we could pray for since she was sitting there on the bed looking "fully recovered" and ready to go home. We find out that she is all alone and that the only family she has is her mother who lives far away. She lives way up in the mountains which is where the poor of the poor live. She explains that she is in fact ready to go home except for one thing. She owes the hospital $562 USD for her procedures and she can't pay. This is an insane amount of money for someone in the US much less a 16 year old girl in Haiti. The hospitals policy states that she can't leave until she is paid in full, but being so poor this is an insurmountable number. I understand this policy because the hospital needs funds to stay open, to cover her costs and if she leaves they will likely never receive payment, but this breaks my heart. Months ago Kelly and I went through a miscarriage as well and my heartaches for this young lady. As a team we are getting together what we can to help, but this story happens day after day. This is just not okay. This girls story could be our story."


There is a story to go along with this last status update. We had planned on leaving earlier in the afternoon on Monday in order to arrive at the hotel and prep for our return home. Well on this particular day we arrived back at the team house to find that "mama" (as we called her) had decided to prepare for us a beautiful lunch which we were not at all anticipating. We had just returned from the hospital and our hearts were burdened with the thought of this 16 year old who was confined to the hospital, all alone and with no end in sight. We had to do something about it. Having found of that the hospital bill was $562 USD we were saddened by the fact that we could only scrounge together $210 among our group. This just wouldn't do. In that moment I felt like God wanted me to share this young ladies story. So I sat down and typed what you see written above. All the while I hoped and I prayed that the right person would read it. I was finished, I closed the computer, stood up and made the announcement. "I think that God can somehow double this money." We had all hoped it, but had no idea how would that actually happen? All we knew is that we wanted her to go home. Not tomorrow. Not a week from now, but today. Within 30 minutes a Facebook friend who had followed my posts contacted the Church and offered to pay that young girls hospital bill (the whole amount), just like that. I was blown away. God had in fact tripled the money. One beautiful aspect of this story is that the woman that covered this 16 years olds hospital bill had this money set aside, almost in the exact amount and was asking God how she could bless someone else with it. He told her to give it to this girl so she did. The real beauty in this story is that after 9 days, a miscarriage, surgeries and the stress of never knowing when she would get the money to go home, she went. She went home. Even the sparrows have what they need.

Thanks for journeying with me.

the status quo is a bully

I have this friend. Well I would say he's a little more than a friend, because he's much like a brother to me. We've only been friends for around a year but he is one of those rare people that come into your life and you know instantly that you are supposed to journey with them. You’d think we’ve been friends for years.

This friend and I make a point of getting together, having a chat and exchanging ideas on a regular basis. One day we were downtown having a tea when I started sharing my frustrations with our societies addiction to consumerism, selfishness, greed and wastefulness. If any of you know Kelly and I you’re well aware that we find value and biblical direction in things like recycling, living simply, buying local, intentional community, handcrafting, natural childbirth, creativity, peace, justice and the like. The frustrations that I was expressing to my friend stemmed from two areas.

The first area of tension was with our culture and the Churches acceptance of what seems to be the antithesis of what Kelly and I (and many others) believe to be biblical values for how we should interact with others and this earth. You know all that bible stuff about loving others, sharing our coats, breaking bread, blessing peacemakers and what not.

The second area of tension was how much Kelly and I actually feed this system. We are guilty on a daily basis and largely due to sheer laziness/business. I am a firm believer in practicing what I preach so I formally apologize for being a hypocrite sometimes.

Anyway, I was expressing these frustrations and that segwayed into a conversation about how when we choose to live countercultural, when we choose to love our neighbor well, live simply, share our things and take care of the environment, we are often labeled as hippie, liberal, artsy fartsy, tree hugger or just plain crazy. Part of the tragedy is that these labels come out maliciously and are ill intended. I believe this happens because you are for one, threatening their lifestyle or two, they know the right things to do but are to lazy to do them. Anger often comes out of self-hate. Whatever the reason may be for how people respond, it is painfully clear that there is a status quo and you are not meeting it.

In the middle of my venting rant my friend stopped me and said, " You know I'm not very wise, but occasionally I have something to offer that resembles wisdom. In my experience the status quo is a bully. If you step out of line it will knock you back in."

Just brilliant and so true.

We went on to discuss that yes the status quo is a bully and if you refuse its pressures you might just get beaten up or thrown out of class. Being bullied by the status quo is or should be reality for followers of Jesus. Jesus didn't meet the status quo, so I'm not surprised that his followers wouldn’t either.

Newton's third law states that, "for every action (force) there is an equal and opposite reaction (force." This is good news because for every community of people that buy into the status quo, there is another community of people who are waiting to accept, love and cherish the destitute, the disgusting; the disenchanted and disengaged weirdo’s like us. Being a good neighbor is about embracing your inner outcastness.

Crack Pot Poetry (I thought I'd try it again)

Wake Up --
Wake up sleepers. You sleep deeply in your plush, leather wrapped, luxury prisons. You eat and drink your specialties, all the while baring the rib cages of the hungry. Your kingdoms are built on the backs of those who rejoice in their suffering and suffer as you rejoice over your blessing. Wake up sleepers. Radio waves and plasma screens subdue your consciousness with wants and desires that rape your mind. Wake up sleepers. Your dreams of triumph overshadow the cries of brokeness. Can't you see you are broken too? Wake up. Can't you see you are poor too? Wake up. Can't you see your consumption has become cannibalism? Wake up you pew sitting political assassins. Are we not supposed to reflect a glory that is not our own? Wake up from your coma of apathy. The time is now, not yesterday, not a thought for the future, but a thought of the past. Wake up you've slept in, the alarm has rung, the curtains are pulled, you've pushed the snooze button for the last time. There's plenty to do, so stop being done. Wake up. The pacifier of self salvation no longer will sooth the worlds suffering. Wake up. You with ears, hear. You with eyes, see. You with hands, hold. You with feet, walk. You with minds, think. You with words, inspire. Wake up creativity. Wake up hope. Wake up love. Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Im guilty too.

literarily simple, unendingly complex, completely fullfilling

God is constantly in the process of chipping away, massaging my ego and remolding who and what he wants me to be. While he has been journeying with me for the last 27.5 years, I have only discovered his love for me in the last 20. I would say that only in the last 4 years have I really been able to grasp what love really is, how it feels, and what it does for me and to me.

I have been through some stuff.

divorce, job loss, dumb choices, good choices, obedience, remarriage, NICU/emergency surgery/hours of therapy w/ my first child, miscarriage, loss of relationships, new relationships, call, obedience, waiting...

Life is writing this story, God is directing it, I am a character (quiet literally) and ultimately love is the ending and the new beginning.

If love is the ending and new beginning, then the waiting, the challenges, the good things - are all worth it.

Understanding this has given me a mission and a purpose. While literarily simple, it is unendingly complex and completely fulfilling.
Love God, Love others - simple, complex, fulfilling

Try it. Embrace it. Let it completely redirect you.

Old Post: Toledo or Bust

As you know a while back I posted a comment about New Monasticism and starting a community house in Toledo. Well since that point much has happened. First, I received a new position at Church where I will responsible to guide Crossroads into a more missional posture and DNA. This is a God send as the community house will be a huge part of our ministry in the city. Secondly, I am just back from running The Wild Goose Festival kids area. It was a brilliant time and I am looking forward to running things again next year. I was inspired as I connected with and witnessed multiple New Monastic communities that were present. Thirdly, Kelly and I are finally putting our house up for sale. Once the house to is sold we are headed on words to Toledo. We can't wait to get into the city. To be with the people in the Old West End Neighborhood. To learn, to love, to live together.
Some interesting connections have happened since we started this journey and briefly I want to list a few here. The way that God is leading through this process has given me great hope for the future of our community. Here is what has happened...

- new missions position at Crossroads
- friendship with Sam Melden - Food for Thought (www.freelunchtoledo.com)
- friendship with Don Schiever - pastor at New Harvest Church
- friendship with Steve North - director of mens ministries at the Cherry Street Mission, founding pastor of Lifeline a communal/missional church that meets in his house in the Old West End. He is also the mastermind of 4.5 immersion, immersing students into poverty as a learning experience. (http://www.facebook.com/4.5toledo), (www.lifelinetoledo.com)
- friendship with Ken Leslie - creator of One Matters - runs Tent City and founder of the Toledo Streets Paper a micro-lending organization. (www.1matters.org)
- deeper involvement in New Tribe Fellowship - a socially, economically and culturally diverse group of people practicing authentic community, loving and serving each other in the name of Jesus. We are here to provide a community for Arab folks from both a Christian and Muslim background. Showing the the love of Jesus in authentic and intentional community.
- connection with Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove author of New Monasticism, Wisdom of Stability, Common Prayer and a few others. He has provided great insight into the development of our community and it is likely I will participate in the School of Conversion he runs. (www.newmonasticism.org)


Through this journey, thus far, God has opened to door and I have met some great neighbors. I am excited to see where we are headed next. For now please pray for the sale of our house and for wisdom into this next season. I will be sure to keep you updated on what's to come. If you are inspired to be a part of what we are hoping to do in Toledo please connect with me anytime because i'd love to hear your story and to see how you can be a part. For now grace and peace.

Old Post: New Monasticism

Lately God has been doing a number on my heart and mind. He has been saying things to me like "How can you say you love the poor if you don't know anyone who is poor?" or "Hey Jamie, I gave you a passion for the church, for community, for justice, for the environment, for wholeness, for inclusiveness, would you just go and do something with these things already?" So maybe the second sentence isn't an exact quote, but you get the idea. For the last 8 years or so God has put this intense tugging on my heart to be a part of a Christian community that lives more closely to the model we are given of early Christianity in Acts.

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all 34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales 35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need."

I am realizing that there is so much truth and depth to what God has called the Church to be. I don't want this next bit to be a postmodern deconstructionist rant, but I see and sense that the American Church has greedily taken the form of capitalism and consumerism rather than the body/physical presence of Jesus in the world. I have seen in my own life that I too am guilty of losing site of my brother and sister, because I am more concerned with myself. Yet this is not at all what God has created the Church to be. In the Gospels, Jesus speaks of the Church as his literal body. His presence here on earth. In order to understand this concept we have to understand that in order for the body to be effective all parts must work together. Yet look at the Churches, we are competing for members, for our geographical plot of land, for members wallets to pay for our glorious buildings and our slick media presentations. I'm not convinced that God is happy with the fact that we spend 90% of our budgets to maintain our massive facilities and hierarchical salaries. Let me ask you what else do we see Jesus' body doing? For one he serves others with it. He uses his hands to touch the leper, make the blind see, to feed 5000, to accept a nail and even to wash the filthy feet of his disciples. If we are his body should we not be doing the same? Wasn't Jesus body resurrected? Shouldn't the Church then live in the Resurrection? I could go on with this metaphor all day but I will leave that up to you. This is a portion of my anguish over the Church. I feel as though somewhere along the line we have missed a few things, a few big things. In the midst of this tension I absolutely love the Church and God has called me to look at things differently. He has called both Kelly and I to begin to embrace and live these values. When, where and how I am not positive.
I have been reading a lot about this river of thought and community called "New monasticism." The irony of New Monasticism is that it is not new at all. In fact it has very old roots. New Monasticism is a prophetic call of resurrection for the Church. I am not going to go into it much tonight because I am tired, but I will leave you with the 12 principles of this river. Here they are...

1) Relocation to Abandoned places of Empire
2) Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us
3) Hospitality to the stranger
4) Lament for radical divisions within the church and our communities combined with an active pursuit of a just reconciliation
5) Humble submission to Christ's body - the church
6) Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community along the lines of the old novitiate
7) Nurturing common life among the members of intentional community
8) Support the celibate singles alongside the monogamous married couples and their children
9) Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life
10) Care for the plot of Gods earth given to us along with support of our local economies
11) Peacekeeping in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18
12) Commitment to the disciplined contemplative life

These 12 principles make our hearts rejoice with hope and freedom for the Church. Our desire, in the not so distant future is to either be a part of community livings these principles or to form one ourselves. I encourage you that if these 12 grab you internal being and shake it at all, please look into it more. Check out TheSimpleway.org - Read books by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. They will be well worth your time. Also Id love to talk with you about it as well. That is all for now my friends.

Old Post: Thoughts on Fear

Lately I have been thinking a lot about fear. Things like why people fear, what people fear, how fear influences peoples decisions and so on. As I have surveyed my life I have realized that many of my decisions and actions have come from a place of fear. As I witnessed fear as a driving force in my life I began to wonder if this is true for others?

I began to people watch.
Which I love.

I talked with friends and had multiple conversations and what were the results? The same pattern. Fear had influence, major influence. Fear lead to shame, fear lead to failure, fear of failure lead to insecurity, sometimes we're afraid and we don't even know what of. I have begun to see a pattern emerge.

Since I have become keen to fears influence I have had some interesting experiences with it. Just the other day I was in a conversation with someone I have known for a while. This person is very nice, kind, fun and often a bit over the top. In this particular conversation this person was being over the top and border line crazy obnoxious. This pattern I have seen with this person before, but in the context of fear I began to understand a little better.

If you knew this persons story,
you would have compassion.

This person in particular has a history of being an outsider only finding community or community attention by being over the top. As a way of survival and as a reaction to the fear of being alone this particular friend has adapted with fears influence. So is this person just being obnoxious to be obnoxious? No, they're afraid. They're afraid they're not lovable and afraid to be alone.

I think this is true for all people.
No one is exempt.

Why do people talk behind other peoples backs? Fear of not being accepted. Why do couples get upset at one another when they can't be reached after multiple phone calls? Fear of losing someone close them. Why are people straight up mean? Fear of intimacy. I am sure you can think of many more reactions as a result of fear.

Fear grabs ahold of us and as Christians it has played a prominent and unfortunate role in our story.
Think back to Adam and Eve.
What's the fall all about?
Fear.

"Did God really say you couldn't eat from the tree?" You can be like him knowing good and evil." These statements created fear. Satan was a smart little sucker. Attack human insecurity and create fear. Fear that God was withholding. Fear that God didn't love them enough to give them everything. Fear of not being enough. So what was their response to fear? "Well, it seems that we're really on our own so lets eat some of that fruit." Fear screwed things up.

Then there was the curse. Pain in childbearing. Fear of pain and fear that you will never be a good enough mother. Then the whole bit about desiring your husband and him ruling over you. This is a fear of not being enough, not being lovable and not being able to capture his attention. Why do you think Father's have such impact on their daughters?

Then for men. Hard labor. Fear of not having worth unless you are successful in your work. Fear of not being able to provide. So as men we overwork, over achieve and die young. All at the detriment of our family.

The cycle of fear continues and if you notice,
one feeds the other.

I could go on with countless more stories and analogies but I think you can see what I'm saying. So, are we just trapped? Is there no way out of this pattern? Let me share with you a few things that are working for me these days.

Risk - Have a little risk in your life. Something that you don't have complete control of. Calculated risk kills fear.
Adventure - Find adventures in your life. Climb a little higher, take the day off with family during the busiest season of the year at work.
Stand up for something you believe in.
Share your fear.
Listen to God.
Love unconditionally.

Of course I am not perfect in these things but I can tell you that I am well on my to being more aware of fear and what stops it. So what is your fear and what can you do take it head on?